Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
