I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
