i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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