why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
