the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
