i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
