our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
