I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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