You're so nebulous sometimes
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
