Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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