Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
