theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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