If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
