Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
