I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
