Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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