got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
