Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So I just went to clothing optional bar
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
