sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
