BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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