I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize