RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
