No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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