It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
