Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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