thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
