I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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