somebody snuck up and got me drunk
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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