We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
