Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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