Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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