Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Couch. On fire.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
