i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
No subtext here. People are naked.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
