i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
