i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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