We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I cannot find my penis.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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