i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
