tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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