Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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