Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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