Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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