fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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