Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
