How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
