Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
