Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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