You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize