So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
