The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
