Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
