Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize