Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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