do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
