I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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