dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
