marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
