$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Boobs speak an international language.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
