whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
