I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
