so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
