She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
