why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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