i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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