Pregnant stripper...not hot.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
