I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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