It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
