Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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