Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
