I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
