we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
