fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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