Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
