i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
