I should be sponsored by Trojan
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
