She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
