I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
