I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
