Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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