so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
